go forth
by paradises
Summary: [High School, AU] And, she's found something worth living for / or, how it's horribly true that people always say that you never know what you have until you lose it / VictoireTeddy • for HPFC.


**notes** | this is around two thousand, six hundred words, so i'm hoping that the overall idea didn't come across as too rushed. also, do you guys like my new penname (**lydiamartins)** or **ailes du neige**, better?

**.:go forth:.**  
victoire&teddy

Glazed eyes, diseased eyes of shade blue, are shielded behind thick rims, tears building up near the edge and dripping down puffy cheeks, but everything is held up inside. Her fingers fly across keyboards, hidden into sheets and warm blankets, the itchy wool scratching against her skin as the claws grow. The night passes by in an instant, and she vaguely remembers the blood that spills across her arms and legs, but it just feels good to let everything go that she forgets to keep control of her heartbeat, and close all of the windows.

The sun rises in the distance, and birds start chirping loudly in the distance, a flock of geese settling outside of the college's dormitory room. Throughout the girls' rooms, there's only one with a window open, one person that had left after curfew, and hadn't returned - it's hers.

There's nothing left but an empty room, a wolf howling in the distance.

.

Victoire is seven years old when she loses her father.

Of course, she doesn't seem to remember most of the details of it — being a young child and all, but she'll never forget the look on her mother's face, the look of absolute heartbreak, and all she did was sit there, and ask when she would go to swim practice. She remembers the day still, and the way that it went, every single second blurred between the lines, hard to tell apart as time goes on, but it went along the lines of this;

(Seven year old Victoire, who's too old to hold her mother's hands anymore — and she looks back on those perfect moments before she become a monster.)

.

She asks about her motivation a lot; it turns out that, in a life as sad as hers, the most exciting moments are the drama in which she involves herself with petty middle schoolers — eighth graders who have the fashion sense of models; and are as stuck-up and sometimes, as shallow, as them, but they're some sort of real friends, and Victoire's sort of envious about them. Sure, she has her friends who are freaking models, and it's something that probably every high schooler wants to do when they grow up, but the fame and beauty only lasts for so long, and soon enough you're left in the ashes.

Her parents think of her as a disgrace; her younger sister, Melody, used to look up to her. As soon as she dropped out of high school for modeling gigs and acting gigs nationally ( it was a _hugehugehuge_ honor, she had said ) her parents had disowned her, and nobody remembers little Victoire.

She's just a mar, a huge stain that needs to be covered up under layers of white out and bribes, in order to forget that little pretty girl with the chestnut side braids and the cherry red cheeks, who disgraced her family for the next seven generations. Sometimes, Victoire wishes that she could take everything back that she had did, and live a life that's very different from her own, because now it's just all too complicated.

Fake friends are something that she's known of before — the bribes, the complaints, and the fact that they're never going to be real; are only some of the problems, and Victoire almost feels bad for this girl. Of course, if she put her mind to it, this little eighth grader girl seemed as though she had the inspiration and the leadership qualities to do anything, but all she seemed to want to do was become an "alpha".

Deep down, Victoire knew what it meant to peak during her high school years, and she seemed like another one of those cheerleader burnouts.

Besides the fact that she would never actually do cheerleading ( Victoire knows that much about the alpha and her anti cheerleading policies, and how there was drama and tension between the so called pretty committee about spirit squads in general ) but, still. Nevertheless, it's almost as if she's having a second chance to redeem herself, a second chance at high school.

Victoire can't help but feel the slightest bit better about herself when she becomes a teenage wolf — but she's not really one of those cool kids who become better at sports and a boy magnet; because she's still the same loser nerd, that she was before. She's still nothing.

.

So, the whole turning into a wolf, sort of thing?

It's actually not that cool, after all. It would help if Victoire had somebody to share the pain with; after all, everybody else already has somebody but nobody's going to keep a secret like this, and she knows that if she lets anybody know, whether they're her best friends that she's trusted ever since she turned five years old, before the dramatics of middle school and all the yells and the screams and the tears, she'll end up at the water park.

She starts watching other television shows, like Mako Mermaids and Teen Wolf, and it's really not fair because most of the times, people like them were born into their current supernatural state, or at least they had friends who supported them, friends who were like them.

Victoire paces back and forth in her bedroom the first time that she transformed, after being bit by a wolf in the middle of the forest, and realizing that the cut had just healed. Her parents, overprotective as always, had insisted upon checking up on her every day, and decided that Victoire had faked the injury.

Even though it wasn't true, everybody would always trust multi-millionaire dermatologist, her father ( and the only reason why she went to Octavian Country Day ) who said a wound like that, any injury like hers, couldn't have healed so quickly.

Nobody talked to her for days, and right now, as Victoire's pacing back and forth in her room, even Ali's deserted her. Ali's her parrot.

She got the idea in seventh grade from watching too much of Pretty Little Liars. Back then, she was thought of as creative and interesting ( even Massie had said so, and back then, Massie was god ) and now, she just seems like an immature seventeen year old who's just starting her first year of college in a place god know's where, who needs to stop living her life like she's in middle school, but to be truthful;

Victoire looks back on those years, and calls them the best years of her lives.

There were the breakups and the short lived romances that everybody knew were going to end at one point or another, tearful goodbyes and friendships that would break apart as people starting growing different interests, and started sort of really being themselves. Everybody had changed; even little miss perfect, Meena, sort of developed a personality. Sort of. But, still.

She misses those days, when life was much simpler and nobody had to worry about mutating into some sort of hairy creature ( and in teen wolf, the guys were werewolves ) and wished that she could become a vampire. Or a banshee. They seemed to be really pretty and have really complicated love lives before an everlasting happily ever after, until the person that you loved for all of eternity ends up being killed with this sort of stake thing. Yeah, it doesn't really make much sense because it's true, Victoire's always wanted to live forever.

Victoire has wanted to live forever ever since she was thirteen years old, and started thinking about death and wishing that she wouldn't have to feel the nothingness, and there really wasn't any point in life, and loving, and anything in general if it was all going to fade away in the end.

Victoire just wants somebody to share the experience ( a horrible one, but an experience and an adventure nonetheless ) with and her dream comes true on a Monday. It's not exactly a dreamlike world, but still — it turns out to be worse than her current life.

She bites Teddy, in the dark of the night when the monsters will find her, but she's the biggest monster of them all.

It's probably one of the worst mistakes that Victoire's ever made, but she can't help but still have that small schoolgirl crush that she used to have on her best friend's boyfriend, but Rose's who's know where with god know's who, in the middle of Korea. Or Vietnam, protesting something along the lines of eating pandas is good for you. Whatever; just something random.

Victoire's never really thought highly of Rose, and the only reason why they became sort of friends in the first place was the reason that they needed to stay somewhere on the social ladder, whether it was clinging to the last rung, or sneaking their way into the top.

Watching from a safe distance on the day of the full moon ( but she's managed to control her life as a werewolf by now ), she almost feels bad for Teddy because she understands deep down what all the pain is, the pain of the first transformation — which always seems to be the hardest so Victoire approaches him, and tries to help him throughout the process. It's her fault, really.

.

It turns out that Teddy's some sort of Metamorphoganus, just like his mother, he says proudly. They don't talk about his father.

Out of guilt, or at least that's what Victoire tells herself, she tells Teddy that she was the one to bit him and he just grins back at her. _I know that you bit me; what's the big deal about it? I understand you just wanted someone to share the pain with,_ he says, munching into a sandwich. _Becoming a bloodthirsty wolf makes people really hungry, apparently, except I'm not really sure why you chose me_.

Victoire shrugs, _How did you know it was me?_ The question is simple but it takes Teddy five minutes to think of an answer that's perhaps truthful, perhaps in a flirty manner.

_We kissed in seven minutes of heaven in third year. I remember your lipstick, _He says it simply and plainly and Victoire just sits on the other side, openly gaping before swallowing a gulp of ice cold water, and pinches herself three times.

Of course, Teddy would be the one to remember, but Victoire can't have any more complications in her life, no romance; she had made a no boys pact with herself ( because she doesn't really have that many friends at the time, and he was her only friend ) and boys would just ruin everything and make her completely suicidal and psycho.

At least that's what she learned from Asian drams; but, still. She gets up, scoffing a little, because of course, somebody like Teddy had to be nice to her.

.

People always say that you never know what you have until you lose it.

She loses Teddy on a Monday. Victoire doesn't like thinking about it. The memories, the thought of his blood running down her fingers ( BECAUSE SHE'S THE ONE THAT KILLED HIM AND LIFE'S NOT FAIR AND EVERYBODY SHOULD JUST GO DIE ) and the fact that she kept on saying that she's sorry, and Teddy just smiled up at her, Don't cry, Victoire. It's not your fault.

She walks away after five days, when the body starts to rot. She burns his body in a lake, in a wooden boat carefully made; he's always wanted a grand funeral.

Victoire tries to forget, to move on. She really never does move on, does she?

.

There's nowhere for her to go, and in the midst of all the voices screaming into her hand, she remembers the worst of them, the ones that her parents are yelling at her for being a worthless freak, the ones in which the pretty committee would always call her fat and ugly, the ones where even her best friends would turn against her, and then nobody's who they were meant to be anymore. Nothing's the same after middle school, nothing's the same once they grow apart.

The glow of light comes in from her left side, and she decides to open the windows. Nobody's there to stop her from ending this miserable life anymore, but a stream of music comes in from the room next door, steady and supposedly inspirational. And they say that lights will guide you home, but she doesn't have a home.

She opens the windows, and inhales the fresh air before realizing the date; it's October 30th, and the date is a full moon. Before she knows it, glass shatters throughout the room, and the transformation happens quicker than she can recollect it. By the time that she reaches the lake, their lake, it's too late, but she's already back to a human self, and stares down at the destruction around her, the bodies piled near the tree, their tree, and realizes that life was just not worth leaving, not anymore, not without him here.

Victoire jumps into the water, and lets herself sink to the bottom, the voices dragging her down and it's when she sees his face; like an angel, almost. Teddy?

She can barely mutter out the words, almost mouthing them as the water fills her eyes, a burning sensation as they cut into her open wounds but Victoire's felt much worse pain than this, so she'll have to manage this much. After all, the pain goes away when Teddy's there; it's the best, and the worst, distraction of all. It's not your time to die, Victoire. You have to go back.

I can't, Teddy, tears spill down her cheeks, salt stains falling into crimson lipstick which mars the water around her, spreading quickly and dissolving, fading just as quickly as Teddy could fade if Victoire didn't say the right things, It's not worth it - without you.

He smiles, and Victoire almost interprets this as something good, but then, We'll meet again, Victoire. I promise. But, now, you have to go up. This isn't your time to die. The tone of his voice almost sounds urgent, needy in a sense, but he has to let her go, it's the only way.

Everything turns black.

In the morning, Victoire wakes up on the side of the lake, and frantically searches for Teddy, wondering if everything was just a dream and ends up falling onto the ground, long gasps and blood gushing out of her mouth but all of the pain matters now because Teddy's not there with her, he's not going to be there. But, he'll be here someday.

And, that's something worth living for.

.

**notes** | i've always imagined this sort of scenario after watching teen wolf and shows like that, so i hope you guys like this, :) the part at the end was supposed to be sad, but i'm not really sure if i got the sadness across; please leave a review and tell me what you hate?


End file.
